Sleep, baby, sleep

We've been having issues with Joseph's sleep since the time change. He typically goes to bed around 7-7:30 and has been waking up around 5am. According to things I've read, he should be sleeping in total about 13 hours a day at his age. His naps are not consistent, and range from 1.5-2.5 hours (1.5 being the norm and 2.5 being an awesome exception).

I think on average he's been getting about 12 hours of sleep every day. I'd like him to get more, but I'm not sure what to do. Currently we're doing some "controlled crying" in the morning, and I'm hoping that'll get him up to 11 hours overnight (and at least till 6am for mama and daddy's sakes!).

I'm considering moving his bedtime to 8pm, but he tends to wake up at the same time in the morning regardless of how late we push bedtime. On the other hand, I don't want to be unrealistic by thinking he can consistently sleep 11+ hours overnight (from 7:30-6:30 ideally).

Any ideas from the parents out there? He's 20.5 months old. Is his bedtime to early? Expectations too high? Is this just a phase we have to ride out? He crashes quickly at night at his current bedtime and is usually exhausted by nap time since he's up at 5am.

Good in Theory

Last night I spent some time reading about Elimination Communication. It's basically trying to figure out when your baby goes to the bathroom and getting them to the toilet before they pee on you.

Many people advocate leaving your older baby pants free at home, so you (and they) can tell when they pee right away and hopefully avoid a mess by seeing the signs that it's about to happen.

I thought, heck, that shouldn't be too hard, right?

It's OK, you can laugh, it is funny.

1 carpet accident, and 4 (FOUR!) kitchen floor accidents, and 2 overflows on the high chair (sitting on prefold) later, and I'm pretty convinced that Joseph will wear diapers until he's 16.

At least I should be able to teach him to do the cloth diaper laundry before then, right?

In the meantime, I was happy we had Resolve for Pet Stains on hand. Just another way babies are like dogs.

Commencement

Graduating to Sanity!

Typically, we think of "commencement" as the end of something, as we see it at graduations and such. But really, it means to BEGIN.

This weekend, I feel like we began the life that everyone talks about when they say how great having kids is, and how blessed they are, and how they can't believe how much they love their kids. Don't get me wrong, I've always loved Joseph, but mostly when people asked me how I liked being a mom, I answered with something like "It's really hard", or "Nobody tells you the real truth about parenting", or "It's about 95% drudgery and 5% joy" or my favorite of late when being asked when we were going for #2 "Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice, shame on me". Sure, we had some great moments during each day where I was just happy, yet mostly it was a happy, BUT...

Have I bummed you out yet or made you think I'm depressed (I am - but that was another post)? Well, the reason I'm bringing this up is because we have crossed over to the promised land of parenting! What caused this, do you ask? SLEEP

Glorious, uninterrupted sleep.

This is probably the most difficult post I've written since I wrote my birth story. Sleep has been our Achilles Heel for the better part of 18 months, yet I was (almost) always adamant that we would not leave Joseph to cry on his own in a crib. Last week I decided to read the Ferber book and see what I thought. Although there was a LOT that I disagreed with in the book, I was ready to try and separate nursing and sleeping for my almost-18mo-old, so we started there. I warned T.J. that it might take weeks to "fix" and to get ready for rough nights. He pointed out that that's all we have anyway, so what the hell. Good point.

Saturday night, we mixed the routine up for the first time. We went with bath, nurse, toothbrushing, and book (vs saving nursing to sleep for last). Then I put him in the crib, told him to lie down and that I loved him, and I left. Let's just say he was a bit stunned! But he cried for TWO minutes, and laid down and fell asleep and didn't wake up till 5am. Since then he has stopped crying at night and today he didn't cry for his nap. We've only ever had to go back in 2 times for the first nap and once that first morning. Last night he slept from 7:45 pm to 7:15 am. Even more than that, he woke up this morning CHATTING to his crib toys. My son, the one who ALWAYS has woken up screaming.

So I set out to "Ferberize" but didn't even really get the chance!

I know what you are thinking - SHE IS AN IDIOT! Why didn't she do this months (a year) ago??? I was thinking the same thing, which is why it's taken me forever to write this. But I realized yesterday that THIS was the right time for us. We've let Joseph cry before - up to 15min alone and over TWO HOURS with me in the room with him so he knew I was there and safe. He simply was not ready for this before. We tried to do Jay Gordon's night weaning program with no success twice in the last 4 months.

I truly believe that he has finally learned that even when we aren't physically present, they are still there if he needs us. TRUST - the lynch pin of attachment parenting. Woo hoo!

This is the best I've ever felt while being a mom - the most I've enjoyed Joseph, the most I've enjoyed doing things with him, looking at him, playing with him, teaching him. It's turning me into the parent I've been struggling to be for 18 months. And it's only been 5 days.

I'm so excited to say that being a parent is the best thing ever and my heart is bursting just thinking about Joseph!

The Cow Says

The Cow Says: Eat More Chicken

A good use for cow-print diapers

Will Moo for Food

Rejection

Joseph apparently got used to a nice roomy bed while we were on vacation, because he wanted nothing to do with Mama and Daddy's bed last night. Of course, before we brought him there he wanted nothing to do with his, either.

I ended up bringing him back to his room and stuck him in his crib wide awake. He laid right down and watched while I made up my "bed" of couch cushions and throw blankets next to the crib. Then I laid down and went to sleep, without him making a peep. Success?

He still woke up at least every hour, but was good about laying back down quickly. By 5:30 he was over it and we got up. I guess it's back to working on night weaning/sleep training.

I miss vacation already!

He who laughs last, laughs hardest

On Sunday Joseph and I were hanging out in the kitchen. I was washing the mountain of dishes that accumulate hourly (seriously - ask my mom), and Joseph was playing with whatever he could get his hands on. I had a pack of root beer on the floor and he thought a can would be fun to play with. I saw him, went over there, decided it wasn't worth a tantrum, and told him to "be careful".

Note: I say that to him all the time, but he definitely doesn't know what it means.

Not 1 minute later, there was a bang as the can hit the floor, then it exploded and sprayed everywhere. The look of horror and terror on Joseph's face was HILARIOUS. He shreaked, flailed about, and tried to scamper away unsuccessfully. I am a terrible mother, but I laughed. It was so funny.

Well, the last laugh was on me, of course. There was root beer all over me, Joseph, the cabinets, the walls, the floor, the table, chairs, high chair, my CLEAN dishes, etc...

So after sticking to the floor for 2 days while re-washing the mountain of dishes, I finally caved tonight and washed the floor tonight at 10pm.

You win, Joseph. You win again.

Minding Manners

We've been signing with Joseph for about 7 or 8 months now. He's made the "milk" sign like 3 times. That's it. He definitely understands "milk", "drink", "eat", and I think he gets "more" but he refuses to use any of them, preferring instead to whine until I discern which whine he's doing. I guess he does have a language of sorts. Ha!

However, the other day I implemented "please" and he will imitate it every time I do it when he wants something. He still won't do the sign in front of it (milk, drink, etc) but he'll sign please right away.

The child knows how to get what he wants!

Boomerang Parenting

I'm sure there is a better term for this, but you know how it is. You're going along your parenting business, then things aren't working any more. So you try something new. That goes OK, but then things get worse. So you go back to what you were doing to start with.

All the parenting advice ends with "Whatever you do, be CONSISTENT". I ask you, dear parents, how can you be consistent in your parenting when your child's needs change so frequently?

As soon as Joseph got used to being in his crib all night, he started getting molars. Of course we aren't going to leave him in there to cry in pain all night, so now he's back in our bed. His naps deteriorated around the same time, as he's transitioning to one nap from two. If I put him in his crib, we get 45 minutes, tops. If I nurse him/hold him, I get 2-2.5 hours. Clearly he NEEDS to sleep. So I'm making like he's a newborn again, and nursing in our bed for naps, then picking him up and rocking him when he's woken up and doesn't need to nurse anymore. Since I've started helping him for naps and having him back in bed with us, he has gone from sleeping 10-11 hours/day to 13-14 hours/day.

The whole thing is terribly frustrating, but I'm trying to be zen about it and think of it as meeting his needs. At least I can be fairly certain that this phase is unlikely to last, as nothing else ever has stayed the same!

Sometimes it's Good that Daddy Doesn't Check the Blog

Some days I get annoyed that T.J. does not check the blog. Other days, it's probably a good thing.

Today is one of those days.

Meet Josephina:I needed to check the fit, and well, he was the only baby handy.
Sorry Joseph, we promise we won't tell anyone, except our closest 250 blog readers.
And maybe facebook.

Yes, I am saving for your therapy.

Indian Summer in Spring

Lately I've really been relishing the close relationship I have with Joseph. All the cuddles during nursing, holding him as he falls asleep, even just wearing him around town for errands. He's getting so big, turning quickly into a toddler. This is the Indian Summer of his babyhood. ::tear::

This morning he was laying on me while I patted his back for him to go to sleep. He was tired, and I don't know what he was thinking about, but he just started talking and laughing. This went on for a good 3 minutes or more. He was lying on my chest, listening to my heartbeat like I used to do with my mom, and just laughing. It really made my heart swell with love and pride for him, and it made me so happy to think that he gets the feeling that I have looking back on all the cuddles I got as a child.

I feel like we're coming to the end of an "era" in his life... we're beginning to work on his sleep more, with an eye towards transitioning him to his own crib and possibly his own room. While I do enjoy having more space, SLEEP, and just T.J. in the bed, I know I'll miss cuddling with my Little Bear when he's made the move and is sleeping more soundly.

4 times in 5 hours

Just whining. Joseph's woken up 4 times in the 5 hours since he went to bed.

Yes, I know I'd fare better if I were in bed, too. Ever feel too tired to go to bed?

Getting the hang of this.

So it only took a year, but I'm getting the hang of being a stay at home wife and mother.

I can now manage to keep the house (mostly) clean - I even have a cleaning schedule
I can bake things like bread (first try today - it turned out great) and cookies. Dinner gets made most nights before 9pm. I even do laundry and run errands!

Never thought I'd see the day that I could accomplish all of this, to be honest.



If you can swing it, I highly recommend getting a cleaning person for the first year of a child's life. That will be a requirement if we have a second baby someday!

Post Partum Depression

I'd been debating whether to post about this, as it is obviously very personal in nature. However, I think it's more important to talk about it as something that is relatively "normal" (1 in 10 moms, I think). So here is my story about it.

I was fine at the beginning - and for several months. However, as time went on, T.J. started traveling more, and I slept less and less, I started to get down. In August when friends asked me how it was to be a mom and I replied "Eh.... it's ok I guess" I started to wonder if my reaction was normal. I chalked it up to a baby who cried in the car and lack of sleep. By October, I was really concerned at my lack of motivation around the house, and my inability to muster the energy to play with Joseph. I felt that by the time his needs were met, I was too tired to really give him my all. This was when I was wearing him for 3 to 4 hours a day for naps in addition to when we were out. And of course he's never been a great sleeper and nurses a LOT at night. I was all touched out.

As December rolled around, I'd pretty much reached the end of my rope. Not in an "I'm going to hurt myself or my baby" way, but in an "I'm a crappy mom who doesn't even like to hang out with her kid" way. So I decided to go see a psychiatrist. I called them and they got me in about 2 days later - on Christmas eve.

I saw a nurse and we talked for about an hour. I cried lots, but it felt good to talk to someone about all the stress I've been under (real or in my head). I started taking Zoloft and started to feel better almost immediately (can we say placebo effect? It takes 3-6 weeks to kick in). Now that I'm 6 weeks into the meds, I can say that I'm feeling a REAL difference. I get down to play with Joseph lots, tell him I love him all the time, and just get moments where I'm overwhelmed by how GREAT he is. Funnily enough, I even think he's cuter now!

So, if you are feeling down, and even if you think it's "just" lack of sleep or temporary stress, get checked out. Both of those things can mess with the chemicals in your brain, causing PPD. Also, it's not unusual for it to take many months to onset. I really don't think I had PPD any earlier than about when Joseph was 7 or 8 months old.

You know you're a mom when...

You don't mind that you have to sit in a paper gown for 45 minutes waiting for your gynecologist, because it's quiet and you are alone!

Being a mom is so weird sometimes.

Scratch that.

Joseph woke with a fever today. And after us both being sick and not sleeping for 5 days now, I'm not feeling so hot, either. So no date for us. Boo.

Even worse, I didn't get to go to my mom's group cookie exchange. Sometimes doing the right thing stinks so bad! But I wouldn't wish this on any of my mom friends. Luckily one of the girls was able to come and pick up my contribution (7 dozen cookies!) and said she'd bring me back a good mix. So there is a little silver lining.

Hopefully we'll turn things around in the next day or so! I really want to go to a holiday party we've been invited to on Sunday!

The Independent Baby

This has been on my mind a lot lately, as Joseph gets older and still needs us so much at night, and we get more and more "side eyes" about how much and where he wakes/eats/sleeps. This isn't about any single person's opinion, so just in advance - this post is not about some conversation I had with you, reader (unless you are the girl at LLL described below)!

I had a good discussion on Wednesday about sleep at my La Leche League meeting. One woman said something that hit home with me. There is this push to have "independent babies" in our culture, and parents get pressure from friends, family, even colleagues, about nighttime parenting.

This woman discussed with her husband and decided to give their daughter permission to need them at any time. So interesting. It seems so obvious, but often times we're pressured by society to think that at night a baby shouldn't (or doesn't) need you; it should sleep and wake up in the morning to be tended to. But it's generally just not true! Sure, there are some babies who sleep from 7pm to 7am without a squeak. But that's not most people's normal. And even if it was, why wouldn't I just accept that Joseph is different than other kids. I already accept that he is more brilliant than those other babies (I kid, I kid!)

Anyway, I just wanted to put that out there. I'm giving Joseph permission to need me, too.

Joseph still needs me at night, and that's OK with me.

My big fat exhausting day

I took lots of pictures of Joseph tonight, in order to remind myself what a beautiful little angel he is. Why do I need reminding, you ask? One heck of a long day.

1) Joseph learned to pull up - on his co-sleeper. Not good. Luckily I was nearby and he didn't tumble out. He is also starting to roll to his destination. Nowhere is safe now.
2) Joseph ate his nerf ND football. Literally there are chunks missing. Luckily he did not choke and die. The big chunks are not in his tummy, so no emergency trips to the ER.
3) Joseph covered himself in paint from our craft project.
4) Joseph is having digestive issues, so we went and bought prunes today. He loved them - ate 2.5 oz at once - then took a bite of sweet potato (his favorite) and promptly threw up all the prunes plus the milk from his last nursing session. Brilliant! Of course, this was after his bath from the paint.
5) He slept maybe 2 hours worth of nap today - not enough. And stayed up till 9:30pm.
6) He is teething again, which makes him grumpy.
7) And he has separation anxiety.

Joseph 1, Mommy 0

Tomorrow's another day. A day in which I'll post those pictures I mentioned.

Down to two naps!

Joseph had been having trouble getting to sleep at night and during naps, so I figured it was time to go down to two naps from three. So far it's going well! He really slept a ton today - 2:15 in the morning and another 2 hours in the afternoon! Plus he's been asleep now for 3 hours without waking up! This is nothing to sneeze at, as the last two months he's been waking up every 45 minutes to an hour at night! I think I may have hit upon one possible reason!

So now we're loosely following a 2-3-4 routing - up for two hours before nap #1, 3 hours before nap #2, and then 4 hours before bed. Right now he tends to be up 2-3-3 or 2-4-3, but we don't get very rigid around here about schedules.

Yey for sleep!

Coincidentally, the new book Nurtureshock by Po Bronson has an interesting chapter on children and sleep. Basically, children who don't get enough sleep perform several GRADES below their ability. It also has long-term affects on the brain. I've been reading some of the different chapters in it (each chapter is a different topic) and it's really cool. Sort of like Freakonomics, but the topics are all about children. Check it out!

It's all about perspective

[Note: I am not looking for solutions with this post - just sharing my experience with this part of parenting. Please refrain from suggesting we let him cry.]

Parenting is such a funny thing. One day, you'll be practically frantic trying to figure out an answer for something. The next, you have accepted it and moved on. Rinse and repeat over and over, and you have the last seven months of our life!

Lately, my obsession - and everyone else's - has been Joseph's sleep (or lack thereof). It's all anyone asks about, it seems. "How does he sleep?" About as well as we expect "Is he sleeping through the night?" Bwahahaha! "are YOU sleeping through the night?" Are you crazy? "How long will you let him sleep with you?" I don't know... Notre Dame has single sex dorms, so he'll have to leave my bed eventually.

When we were traveling, Joseph started waking up with increasing frequency. To the point that he was up 20+ times one night. That's not a typo or an exaggeration. We survive because he sleeps with us, so we don't "get up" with him in the traditional sense. I do wake up, and I do nurse him the majority of the night on bad nights. It's tiring, but not bone-numbingly so. He's going through a whole lot of emotional, cognitive, and physical changes right now so he needs us at night more than ever. And I'm OK with that. Really!

So what's the problem? Mostly I'd just like a little space to myself! I've found myself staying up until all hours of the morning (2am last night) and I think a lot of it has to do with not wanting to go to bed and be back "on the clock" even in my sleep!

The solution? I haven't found one, though I have 5 books on my side table to read on the issue. I finished one called "Good Nights" and it was just what I needed last week. A reaffirmation that we're doing the right thing and that it won't last forever! Sometimes that's all I need, I think. Then other times, I think I need to figure out how to get him to sleep without me! I vacillate, which is normal, I'm sure.

So, if you don't want to cry it out, and you co-sleep, I urge you to pick up this book. It's a nice and gentle reminder of why we torture ourselves so, and good fodder for critics, if needed! Highly recommend - it really rejuvenated my will to "go with the flow".

And now, I'm going to bed. Hopefully I'm not sleepy because this is such a boring topic!

"Photographs" In My Mind

There are some things that, though I have tried, I can't capture on film. Generally, these are the things that I a lot, but they happen while I've got Joseph with two hands. I wish I could have them on film, because I feel like they will fade away and I'll forget as he gets older.

Maybe I can at least look back at this post and remember:

• His expression after nursing when he was a newborn - "Blue Steel"
• The feel of him clutching me lately - not digging in to me or pulling my hair, but just hugging me close.
  
• Joseph giving me a kiss after the "hug". I don't think the hug is intentional in the way we hug, but I do think the kiss is.
  
• When he gets playful - usually after a long nap in the Ergo - and leans way back, looks up at me and his eyes just sparkle. Then I give him a little peck on the nose or mouth and he laughs - he has this low chortle laugh that cracks me up.
  
• Joking around while we nurse - he'll start smiling mid-suck. It's so cute.